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Hello Porky...

YOU ANNOYED ME AT “HELLO.”

What's your real name? Porkton? Porkshire? Loser?

My real name doesn’t have the word ‘pork’ or ‘porky’ in it anywhere, so don’t bother guessing! AND MY NAME’S NOT LOSER! YOUR NAME’S LOSER!! LOSER!!!

You’re it! Rules are: copy this message to ten other beautiful blogs who you think deserve this message! Keep the game going and make everyone feel beautiful! (◍•ᴗ•◍)

imageI’M NOT DOING THAT

My friend and I have been debating on a certain subject, I though the wisest thing to do would be asking an expert. So, which one is the best ?: Chewy bacon or crispy bacon?

The answer is:  ALL BACON.

So wait, your parents actually named you Porky? Or is that a nickname? I mean, I can't say much, my dad named me Fuel, but still.

Yeah, see, there’s this dumb tradition on my dad’s side of the family where the male babies are given hoity-toity names because it’s more “elegant” and “refined” … or some shit. So both me and my loser brother got that treatment. BUT THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. YOU WILL REFER TO ME AS KING PORKY - OR ELSE.

By the way, Picky’s real name is Pickford! How dorky is that?! HAHAHA-!! … oh right. Guess you wouldn’t know him. But isn’t it a stupid name? Mom used to write it on all of his school stuff. Actually, she wrote my birth name on all my school stuff, too. But I was hella cool and just covered it up with stickers.

Wow. Your neighbour did that? That's kinda rude. True friends like eachother for their personality and the great time they spend together, right? Not air-conditioner. You cut people's tongue with hot knives when they badmouth you? Golly! I'm not the kind of complaining, but I'll still make sure I never speak negatively of you or your uniforms!

Good. You’ll probably live a lot longer than everyone else.

do you even chimera bro

ASSHOLE. YOU CHANGED MY FOLLOWER COUNT FROM 666 TO 667.

Actually, I don’t care. 666 is the devil’s number and the devil ain’t got shit on me!

EXCELLENT.

Don't listen to those guys who bash on your uniforms, sir. I think they look hella cool! Those haters just jealous because they don't have enough money to purchase a simple shirt. So they tease you to feel better about themselves.

Yes, that’s right. I find poor people have always been hella jealous of me. That’s how my old neighbor was, back in the day. Stupid asshole. Always asking to come over to my house because I had air-conditioning and he didn’t, and then trying to tell me that HE should be first controller because he’s the guest! THAT’S BULLSHIT!! I’m ALWAYS first controller!
… the hell were we talking about again? Oh right, jealous haters. Yeah, they’re everywhere. They never shut up, but cutting out their tongue with a hot knife should help! HAHAHA!!

"They’re furry suits. Made out of pig. They are totally ridiculous."
"Embrace the facts, manpig. Embrace them."
"YOU TWO WOULDN’T KNOW FASHION IF IT SLAPPED YOU IN THE FACE AND LIT A FOREST ON FIRE!"

*high fives*

"They’re pretty ridiculous."
"Are you serious, they look like puppets from some human children’s show"

NO. NO. NO. YOU ARE WRONG. ASSHOLES!!!

"QUIT DISSING THE UNIFORMS!"

EXACTLY.

"So you are implying you slaughtered pigs to make those ridiculous uniforms"

Skins for uniforms and the rest of the pig for eating. That’s good, economical sense. At first I thought human leather would be hella badass for uniforms, but it’s not as tough, and I’d need too much supply to meet the demand. It wasn’t practical, but I’ve found a few other uses for it… during those times when I have some to spare. Which usually happens when certain people piss me off. AND THE UNIFORMS AREN’T RIDICULOUS!!!